


If

by CainYouTube



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Male Characters, Bookstore Owner Castiel, Car Accident, Comatose!Castie, Dying!Castiel, Female!Castiel - Freeform, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Male!Castiel - Freeform, NSFW, Past Drug Use, Possession, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Texting, Veteran!Castiel, Writer!Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:54:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4067512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CainYouTube/pseuds/CainYouTube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is in a terrible car accident that leaves him in a coma, his chances of waking up is slim to none. His spirit is force to posses a young woman to prevent his own death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Code

It’s almost as if Dean’s world had ended as everything fell silent except for the ominous screech of the heart monitor escaping from Castiel’s room. Everything was going too fast for his mind to comprehend, Castiel was just fine a second ago, he was awake, he was talking, and he was smiling that dorky grin of his. But now he lay motionless on the stretcher with an oxygen bag against his face while someone breaks his ribs to start chest compression. Everything sounded like it was underwater; he couldn’t understand what the person over the intercom was saying, the nurse talking on the phone next to him or even what the doctors and nurses were yelling at each other in Castiel’s room. It wasn’t until a nurse place her hand on his shoulder as she ran passed him that he realized that this was real, the noise in the room flooded his ears like a tidal wave. At that same moment a nurse shut the curtains, putting Castiel out of Dean’s sight. Fear dug her claws deep into Dean as his body moved on its own towards the closed curtain. 

“Sir! You can’t go in there!” Dean turned around to see the nurse, who was on the phone just moments ago; phone still against her ear. Sam was next to her staring at him with those eyes of his… 

“What is happening?” It came out as a whispered as he pointed behind his shower keeping his eyes glued onto her, looking for answers. 

Her face was hard, almost emotionless; it was part of her job to remain calm in these sorts of situations. “Sir if you please just wait out i-” 

“No! You don’t get to-” Dean interrupted her, anger growing in his voice. His hands balled into fist.

Several nurse look towards Dean’s outburst, looking at the women to see what action they need to take. She shook her head, looking between Dean and the staff. Sam noticed the officer that was station by the entrance of the department stood from his seat, crossing his arms over his chest just watching to see if Dean was going to make a move or not. A CODE GRAY (verbally aggressive) already being called over the intercom, voices started escaping from the radio on the officer asking if assistant was need. Sam watch as he muttered something into the radio then moments later the CODE was cancelled. Sam place his hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing it hard.

“We will wait outside Dean” Sam gave the nurse a heartfelt smile as he pulled Dean towards the exit. 

As they made there way out of the Emergency room they heard the faint steady _beep, beep,_ of Castiel's heart monitor. Dean's shoulder relaxed, smiling a bit as he felt the fear slowly disappear from his body. It seem like Castiel had stabled, that's a good thing right? He should get out of here in no time. 

Sam watched the small smile on Dean's lips and smiled too patting Dean's back. "See, everything is going to be Okay."

It was short lived as they froze when the high pitched scream of the heart monitor returned. They turned around to see more people rushing into the curtain that Castiel was in. Voices were jumping all over the place, they were loud, so loud. 

"Doctor, he's going into cardiac arrest!"

"Starting chest compression!"

"Oxygen saturation levels dropping!" 

_No, no, no this can't be happening._ Dean thought to himself.

Of course here was this amazing moment where Castiel seem like he would be okay, giving Dean hope, then God crushes him, slapping him hard in the face.

Dean was about to move until Sam put himself in front of him, his hand on Dean's chest, pushing him closer to the door. Dean dug his feet into the floor, refusing to move. This hurt Sam to do this, the look in Dean's eyes when he stopped him. It was like Sam had just murdered the person Dean loved, and at the moment he felt like he did just that 

"Sam, move." Dean voice was hard and angry.

"I won't Dean." He shook his head slightly, keeping his hand firm on Dean's chest.

The next thing Sam knew Dean's fist had strike him hard in the jaw, splitting his lower lip open. He felled to the ground, the room was spinning, his vision coming in and out of focus. He heard the sound of shuffling then a huge thud. He didn't know when Dean got past him, but once his vision cleared he saw Dean pinned on the floor his hands handcuffed to his back as two officers were on him. Dean was thrashing, yelling all at the same time as the officers held his forehead against the floor telling him to calm down. Dean turned his head to the side, letting his cheek rest on the cold floor as he looked at Sam. He didn't have hate in his eyes, he had fear and sadness as he finally let the tears flow. Sam kept his eyes on his brother falling apart on the floor, letting the feeling of regret stab him the gut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a Fan video of this story if ya'll would like to see it. {Hint} its just a trailer so it doesn't give too much away :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2i7eomHnUM


	2. Wish I couldn't feel a damn thing

Hours had gone by with little news on Castiel’s situation; all they knew was that he had coded a third time when they were waiting outside, but is now stable. Sam leans against the impala playing with the steri-strip on his lower lip as the talked to Bobby on the phone. He looked over to were Dean was. He could see the puff of warm air escaping from Dean’s nose as he paced back and forth in front of the impala, rubbing his wrist that were bruised from the handcuffs. He had been struggling against those handcuffs for three hours before the officers decided that he had calm down enough to the point where he wouldn't hit anyone else. It became awkward when they asked Sam if he wanted to press assault charges right in front of Dean, Sam of course declined, getting punched in the jaw was nothing compare to what he did to Dean; holding him back from helping someone he loved. It tore Sam up inside but it was necessary; if Dean had got to Cas he would have been in the way and prevented them from doing their job. They might have even lost him.

"You did the right thing son." Bobby's voice broke Sam's train of thought, bringing him back to reality.

"Bobby, he looked at me like I killed Cas in front of him. I might as well have." Sam sighed, placing his hand over his eyes as he leans the back of his head on the roof of the impala.

He looked over to Dean again who had stopped pacing, he was looking at his phone; photos of Cas he bet. Dean hasn't said a word to him after the officers left, it was like Sam didn't exist, he didn't blame him though. Dean was lost in his mind, blaming himself, blaming Sam, blaming the world, hell blaming God himself.

"Listen to me Sam, your brother is hurting, hurting bad. This is Cas we are talking about, the love of Dean's life. Ya'll are at each other throats because ya'll are running on fumes. You've been there for hours; ya'll have done all that you can for now. You and that stubborn brother of yours need to come stay with me for a while and get ya'll strength up. You idjits aren't any used to Cas dead. I will be waiting for you." Bobby hung up the phone before Sam could argue.

Sam signed in frustration as he ran his hand though his hair, shoving his phone into his back pocket. He shifted his weight back and forth, trying to figure out how to approach this situation; to approach Dean. There is no way Dean would say "yes" to leaving Cas here, he would starve first before that happen and that was the problem. He was too loyal for his own good, but so was Cas, he would do the same for Dean.

_Man those two are perfect for each other._ He thought as he made his way toward Dean

“Hey Dean, Bobby said that we can stay with him as long as we ne-.” Sam place his hand on the back of Dean's shoulder but was ripped away as Dean turned around to face him.

“And what? Just leave Cas here? Bobby’s is a two hour drive. What if something happens when we are gone?” Dean interrupted, with a mixture of shock and anger on his face as he pointed sternly towards the emergency department.

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated that Dean was making this harder then it need to be. “Dean I know that you are hurting, we are all hurting. But there is nothing that we can do right now and you starving and sleep depriving yourself isn’t going to help him. Let us at least get some sleep and we will come back first thing in the morning. He is in safe hands, if anything happens he's safest here.”

Dean stared at him for a bit, his face stern before he decided to walk to the driver side of the Impala, pulling the door open. He placed both his hands on the roof, letting his head hang between them for a couple of seconds. It was silent as Dean stood there quietly trying to processed what Sam had said. After what felt like forever Dean lifted his head and looked at Sam.

“Okay we will go to Bobby's....But first, I need you to promise me something. The moment that we get our four hours and some food we are back here, I don't care how we get here as long as we do." He whispered.

"Dean of course. You're my brother, I would do anything for you." Sam answered him with a heartfelt smile.

Dean turned away from Sam, leaning his back against the Impala. Sam could hear the quite whimpers escaping from Dean and could see his shoulders shaking as he tried to fight against the tears. He stood there quietly his arms resting on the hood of Impala waiting for Dean to collect himself until his voice startled him.

"I need you on this. How I feel, this... inside me, I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a _damn_ thing." Dean chocked on the words as the tears fought free. 


	3. Windows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Smut Warning***

The ride to Bobby’s was long and emotionally rough for Dean as he remains quiet though the drive. He was thinking hard about what Sam had said. He was right; Dean wasn’t the only one hurt by this, but he was defiantly hurting the most. Castiel had become everything to him, was his everything. His grip on the steering wheel tighten to the point that his knuckles were beginning to turn white as he peeked into his review mirror looking at the empty space in the backseat, Cas’s seat. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his breathing, trying to calm down, trying to stop himself from turning the Impala around and to go back to Cas.

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, August 11th, 2013 ~**

_Two years before the accident __  
_

Dean stroked Castiel's cheek and kissed his lips. Castiel moaned out a bit as Dean slowly started to move his lips on his. Their lips moved in time with each other and Dean raised his hands up to Castiel's hair, tangling his fingers in it. His other hand cupped his cheek as he ran his tongue against Castiel's lower lip, begging for entrance. Dean rose up his shirt and slowly started to feel Castiel's body. He ran his fingers over the jagged bumps of Castiel's scars that he got while overseas; some were long and jagged from a blade, another was a perfect smooth circle from a bullet. He grabbed Dean's wrist and pulled it away from the scars, his eyes staring into Dean's.

"Dean..." His voice was rough, filled with a mix of sadness and arousal.

Castiel never talked about his time during war out loud; that was why he wrote. Most of his books were about war, events that happen to him; the names might be different but the pain was all too real.

Dean stared at him for a moment, lacing his fingers of his captured hand with Castiel's. They didn't move nor say anything, they were speaking without words. Dean grabbed the back of Castiel's neck with his free hand and slowly brought their lips together. The kiss was soft, their crests gentle. Dean moved from his lips to his neck, pressing his hips against his. Castiel placed his hands on Dean's lower back slipping one hand down the back of his jeans, gently scraping the sensitive skin with his nails. Dean dragged his tongue lazily along the side of Castiel's collarbone, loving the little sinful noises he was making, the feeling of his ass getting squeezed with ever lick he gave. He was in a total daze and all he cared about was how good it felt kissing Castiel, being this close to him.

"I - Love - You." Dean panted through hard kisses and sensitive touching.

That did it for Castiel. He unbuttons his shirt, throwing it on to the steering wheel. Then pressed his chest against Dean's, slowly running his hand over Dean's crotch; hardening even more under his touch. Dean started kissing his jaw line, pressing himself in Castiel's palm. He moved from his throat, down to chest, then capturing one of his nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the arching flesh. He touched his body so gently and passionately that it put Castiel in a daze. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off. Castiel sat up and unbuckled Dean's belt with one hand while using the other to run his fingers over his stomach. Dean then turned Castiel's body making him go on all fours on the Impala's seats, Castiel placing his right hand against the fogged up window for support and turned his head to the side as Dean slowly licked his neck; causing a moan to escape Castiel's lips. Dean slowly left kiss trails down his spin as he made his way towards Castiel's ass, stopping just above the tailbone. He placed his hands on Castiel's hips, rubbing circles in the skin with his thumbs as he dragged his tongue lightly against his sides. 

"D-dean..." Castiel scraped his nails against the leather seats as he failed to silent his moans. He pressed his ass against Dean's unzipped jeans, feeling the cold metal scraping against his hot skin. Dean's gripped on his hips tighten as he breath out a moan. 

"God, Cas... You're driving me crazy." He growled as he jerked Castiel's hips towards him, rubbing him against his hardness.

The Impala was getting hot; the windows were fogged up, their bodies glisten with sweat as they panted and rubbed against each other. Dean reached into the glove department and pulled out a small bottle of lube. He squeezed a bit on his fingers then a generous amount onto Castiel's hole. The sudden coldness causes Castiel to gasp out in surprise, jerking his body forward. Dean place one hand back on Castiel hip and brought him back against him. He lean down and made a trail of hot kisses on his back as he slowly teased Castiel's rim with one finger. Castiel's breath hitched and he arched his back when he felt his finger enter him, Dean lazily thrusting his finger in and out of Castiel's tight hole. He leaned his forehead on the seat as he tried to steady his breathing; Dean always knew how to make him crazy, to make him feel like he was floating on cloud nine. He gasped when he felt a second finger enter him, biting his bottom lip hard as he felt his rim stretch around the intrusion. He cried out in surprise when Dean's fingers brushed against his prostate, sending a jolt of pleasure through his body and causing his dick to twitch with interest. Castiel moans sent Dean into a frenzy, thrusting his fingers faster and harder into him. 

"Fuck...I want to be in you Cas..." Dean voice was rough and filled with lust, his eyes pleading. 

Dean slowly eased his fingers out of Castiel, who pushed his hips back, making a desperate noise of protest. Dean laughed softly, rubbing the side of Castiel's hip. Castiel bit his lip as he looked back; watching Dean slowly pushed his jeans down his legs, his own hard cock springing free. Castiel looked forward again, dipping his head, waiting to feel Dean. He positioned himself behind Castiel, squeezing some lube on his hand and slicking up his hard cock. He lined his tip to Castiel's entrance, slowly easing the head of his cock into his hole. Castiel hissed as he felt the stretch, closing his eyes tight as he gripped onto the car seat. Dean rubbed gentle circles into Castiel's hips trying to help him relax. 

"Are you okay, Cas?" Dean's voice came out as a breathless whispered as the pleasure shooting though his body was taking over his sense. 

Castiel nodded his head urgently; slowly push back against Dean making him go in further. They both moan simultaneously, It was a big stretch, but it felt good to be so full, and Castiel couldn’t help but lift his hips up more, giving Dean easier access to him. Dean closed his eyes as his grip tightens on Castiel's hips as he pushed all the way in, bottoming out inside of him. He slowly began to thrust into Castiel, his hips slamming hard into his. Castiel couldn’t help but moan softly, the feeling of being so full and so close to somebody was overwhelming. When Dean hit Castiel's prostate for the first time he nearly screamed, clawing down the impala's leather leaving white scratches. This only seemed to spur Dean on and he fucked into Castiel harder, faster, until he was nothing but a whimpering mess beneath him.

Cas…” Dean gasped, sweat dripping off his forehead as he leans down to kiss and suck at Castiel's neck, leaving dark hickeys all over his tan skin.

"I love you, Dean..." Castiel's hand slipped down the window as he came against the seats. He felt Castiel tighten around his cock as he rode out his orgasm. Hearing those words escape Castiel's lips pushed Dean over the edge as he thrust hard a couple of times into him until he released himself inside of him, both completely spent as they laid tangled with each other against the seats. Dean brushed away Castiel's sweat soak hair out of his face to give him sweet lazy kisses, smiling when he felt a grin grow on Castiel's lips. He then reach over Castiel and dragged his fingers against the fogged window, writing a message, then tapping Castiel's shoulder to show him what he wrote. Castiel opened his eyes and looked at the window that read :

**MOVE IN?**

Castiel looked back and smiled as he crushed his lips against Dean's. 

"Yes, of course Dean." He whispered against his lips.


	4. Wiser Than The Other

Dawn was just breaking as they pulled into Bobby's driveway. When Dean put the Impala in park he looked over to Sam who had fallen asleep about an hour into the drive. He was glad that Sam got some sleep, he hasn't left Dean's side once since he gotten the news that Castiel had been in a terrible car wreck. Dean looked at his hand, squeezing the steering wheel; his knuckles were split. His eyes wondered from his hand onto Sam's busted lower lip; it was swollen, red, and looked just plain angry at the world. Even after punching him off his ass Sam still refused to leave Dean's side. Dean looked up towards Bobby's house, the lights were on; he didn't doubt that Bobby had been waiting for them since he got off the phone with Sam. He took a deep breath and lean his head against the headrest, his eyes becoming harder and harder to keep open. He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to turn around and drive back to Cas but his body was refusing to move. His body felt heavy like he was filled with cement, the next thing he knew he was surrounded by darkness as he lost himself. 

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, May 01st, 2011 ~**

_Four years before the accident __  
_

The chime of the bell that hung above the door caused Mary to look up from the stack of books that was she was putting away. She saw a fairly tall man with short dirty blond hair. She turned her attention to Charlie who was behind the counter, smiling at the stranger. Mary turn her eyes back on the stranger and notice he looked very uncomfortable, his eyes were wide as they shifted from the black impala outside to Mary then Charlie. Charlie must have notice it also because her sweet smile curved into a mischievous one.

"Don't like book stores?" Charlie commented as she propped on her elbows on the counter, her grin mirroring the Cheshire Cat. 

"I'm not really the reading type. My little brother is the nerd in the family. Anyway I'm here to pick up a book he ordered online under the name Winchester." He muttered as he looked between the two women, rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks turning a bit red. He walked towards Charlie, fumbling his hands though his pockets until he pulled out a little white crumpled up paper that looked like a receipt. He pulled it taut, rubbing it on the edge of the counter trying to get as much of the creases out before handling it to her. She types it into the computer then walked into the back to get the order. 

"Winchester? Like the rife?" Mary smiled, as she passed a book back and forth in her hands, walking towards him.

"That's right, like the rife." He smiled.

"Well, Mr. Winchester-,"

"Please call me Dean."

"Well, Dean Winchester, Welcome to Wiser Than The Other." Her smile grew as she threw her hands out and did a little spin.

"Mr. Winchester, I have your order here. Your brother has great taste in books. This is one of our top sellers." Charlie came around the book shelf with a large grin on her face as she made her way towards him, extending the book to him.

"Is that so?" Dean raises an eye brow as he takes the book from her, flipping it on its cover to look at the summary on the back. He was taken aback from the author’s photo. Those eyes. He has never seen anything so… enchanting, the color was a shade of blue he had never seen before. Dean took in every inch of his face, remembering every wrinkle, hair, everything. Those lips…so- 

_Come on Dean get your head out of the gutter_. He thought to himself as he shook his head. 

"Yes, the very owner of this shop wrote that fine piece." Mary answered eagerly as she pointed her chin to the book in Dean’s hands.

"Him? He's the owner of this place?" Dean looked up at her, shocked, lifting up the book and pointed at the photo. 

"Can I ask you a question? What's he like?" He asked as he exampled the photo a bit more. 

"Why do you ask?" Mary raised her eyebrow as a smile grew on her face. 

"Just curious" He answered bringing his eyes up to hers. 

"He's sweet, kind. Even after the war, after everything... He still believes in happily ever after, you know?"

"He was in the war?" Dean looked back down at the picture, at those blue eyes. How could something so beautiful see so much horror?

"Are you telling stories again Mary?" A deep rough voice caused them all to look towards the door in the back of the store. Dean saw a man with dark messy hair and _those_ blue eyes from the picture leaning against the door frame; he was wearing a black long-sleeves button up shirt with blue jeans. He had a smile on his lips as his fingers ran through the fur of a large black and tan German Shepard's head that was sitting at his feet.

"Castiel."

~


	5. Bobby's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It took me a while to post this chapter! I just got done with Gishwhes! But I just posted two chapters, enjoy! :)

The brothers were startled awake by a loud knocking noise against the glass of the Impala's driver side. Dean looked around confused for a second, looking at Sam who was just as confused as him until his eyes became fixed on something behind Dean. He followed his stare and looked to the left to him where his eyes settled on Sheriff Mills. She had a heartfelt smile spread across her lips as her eyes locked with Dean's. She looked as if she hadn't slept, but of course she hadn't because Jody had been the first responder on the scene of Castiel's accident and was also the one who called Dean. She stepped away from the Impala as Dean opened the door.

“Hey Jody.” Dean’s voice was quiet and horse from last night’s events.

“Bobby called me this morning telling me ya’ll boys never show up here last night. Good thing I stopped by here instead of going to the hospital first. How is he? How is Castiel?”

Dean's smile faded as he adverted his gaze at the mention of the hospital. Jody’s smiled fell as well as she noticed sorrow spread on Dean's face like a plague; she shifted her eyes from Dean to Sam who face mimicked his. The tension in the air was thick, until it was disturbed by Dean abruptly walking towards Bobby's. Sam and Jody exchanged sorrowful looks before they slowly made their way to the house.

"That bad...?" Jody whispered as she watched the back of Dean who was ahead of them quickly making his way to the house.

"It was the worst night Jody; he ended up coding five times by the time we left... They had to put Dean in handcuffs to restrain him because..." Sam looked down at his feet as the words died.

"I'm guessing that's where you got that from." Her eyes looked down at his bottom lip as she gave a small sad smile.

Sam ran his finger against his lower lip feeling the steri strips holding strong. “It was terrible Jody; I prevented him from going to him…to Cas. But I had to; if I let him the nurses and doctors wouldn’t be able do their jobs and we could have lost Cas.”

Dean banged hard on the door, properly harder than he should but he couldn't help it. He had so much pinned up rage and disrepair inside that he needed to take it out on something and he didn't want to hit Sammy again. He doesn't even know what happened; he just remembered Sam placing his hand on his chest, preventing him from going to Cas then the next thing he knew it he's on the floor in handcuffs looking at his little brother on the floor a couple of feet beside him. He didn't bother to look behind him as he heard Jody and Sam come closer. As the door opened he was greeted by a huge force knocking him to the floor of the porch. Once he vision came in to focus a tongue slapped him in a face with licks. It was The Colonel; Castiel's German shepherd.

"Hey there Colonel...What are you doing here buddy?" Dean's voice was shaky as he tried to hold back the tears as he ran his hands though the dog's fur.

He has been such a wrack about Cas's car accident that he totally forgot that about him at home. Dean pressed his forehead against The Colonel, inhaling the lingering sent of Castiel on his fur as his shoulders began to shake.

“Cas called me yesterday morning asking me to watch him for the weekend.” Bobby’s deep rough voice caused Dean to look up from the dog, confusion spreading on his face.

“The Colonel here?” Sam’s voice startled Dean a bit as he turn to stand to see Jody and Sam making their way up to towards the door.

Sam reached out and ran his hand against The Colonel head as he past Dean making his way to give Bobby a hug. Sam and Jody made their way to the study as they left Bobby and Dean with The Colonel in the door way. Confusion lingered on Dean's face as he tried to process why Cas would ask Bobby to watch The Colonel. Bobby must have notice Dean's mind running when he interrupted his thoughts by placing his hand on his shoulder. 

"It's good to see you boy..." Bobby whispered as his gripped tighten on his shoulder .

"You too Bobby." Dean gave him a small smile. 

They made their way to the kitchen where Bobby grabbed some beers out of the frigid. Dean leaned his back against the windowsill; placing the back of his head on the window. He could feel the heat from the rising sun seeping in his hair; warming up his scalp, The Colonel sitting at his feet. Bobby leaned against the counter next to the refrigerator, nursing his beer slowly, watching Dean with worried eyes.

"Thank you for watching him, Bobby. I've been so distracted with Cas that I forgot about him." Dean smiled at him as he took a sip of his beer.

"Don't mention it" Bobby tipped his beer towards him.

"Man, Cas would kill me if he found out I forgot about you. You are the only thing he loves as much as me." He joked, looking down at him as he ran his hand on top of The Colonel's head, feeling the soft fur tickle his fingers. The Colonel's tail smacking his leg repeatly as it wags rapidly.

"It was terrible Bobby...I couldn't help him. I couldn't do anything!" Dean's voice came out as a angry shaky whisperer. Dean was still looking down at The Colonel, his hand still gently stroking his head. 

Dean couldn't even process what happen next, it happen so fast. But all he knew was that Bobby had him in a tight embrace. Dean's breath hitched as his lower lip started to trimble, he was trying so hard not to break but this was Bobby the closest thing he had to a father. He returned the hug, clinching his fingers into Bobby's shirt like he was clinging for dear life. He couldn't break, he shouldn't but it was all too much! He rest his forehead on Bobby's shoulder, trying to relax, trying to stop his body from shaking.

No one spoke. 


	6. Static

Castiel was looking down at his hand as he slowly rotated a small sliver circular band between his index finger and thumb. He had a broad smile that made his eyes crinkle as a laugh escaped his lips. This weekend was going to be a big step for him and only hopes that Dean will take it with him. Castiel’s smile faded; something felt off. He looks around slowly taking in his surroundings. All he could see was a lake and melting snow around him. How long has he been sitting on this bench? Where was here? When did he get here? Wasn’t he in the car? He was driving to meet Dean wasn’t he? Did he make a rest stop? He looked behind him, to his surprised his car wasn’t there. He tilts his head to the left, confusion growing on his face by the minute. A huge breezed whipped pasted him as an unknown yet familiar voice called out his name, everything around him became static until he was standing in the middle of a forest. 

“Cas, you’re here?” He whipped his head around to the front to see familiar face standing in front of him. 

“Balthazar?” Castiel tilted his head to the left and then took in his new surroundings try to process what he was seeing. He was surprisingly calm from seeing his dead best friend and the environment freaking out. 

“It’s so good to see you” Balthazar had a huge smile on his face as he approached Castiel, bring him into a tight embraced. 

“I grieved your death, I saw you die on the field. I don’t understand.” Castiel voice became shaky as the flash backs of Balthazar’s death flooded his mind. It was his death that caused Castiel to not return to the military. Having his best friend die in his arms was too much for him and the burden of not being able to save him destroyed him. 

“Don’t be distressed about my death. I wouldn’t have changed it. I wouldn’t have wanted to die in anyone else’s arms but yours. And as far as I’m concerned, you and me, Cas, nothing’s changed. We’re brothers.” Balthazar pulled away and placed two fingers against Castiel’s forehead where a white glow appeared making him feel immediately at ease. His smile only seemed to glow as his forehead rested against Castiel’s, looking into those blue eyes.

“What is…all this? Castiel asked as he looked at the surrounding environment around him glitches from forest to static then back to forest. 

“You’re dying, Cas. And this is the veil; a plane of existence between Earth and Heaven.” Balthazar smile faded as his eyes wondered around the twitching environment. 

“I’m dying? But I was just in the car-“

“You got in a really bad car accident; you’re in the hospital right now.” Balthazar place his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and then next thing they were at the crash site. There was many people standing around and Castiel’s car was head first pinned into a large oak tree. There were firefighters cutting his car form the tree using massive wire cutters. Castiel wondered around the other side of his car and saw that no one was inside. 

“Balthazar…What hospital did they take me to?” Castiel ask without turning to look at him, he just ran his fingers against the unreconizable bumper. 

“They took you to UKMC, you are in surgery right now but then they will take you to room #423 for you recovery...” Balthazar’s voice became sad after the last words left his lips. 

“I thought you said I was dying? If I’m in recovery doesn’t that mean I’ve survived?” Castiel turned to narrow his eyes in confusion at him. He made his way around the car to close the distance between them. Balthazar sighed and ran his fingers though his hair; placing his other hand on his hip. 

“Well, no, Cas. You’re in a coma and your body is giving up. You’re soul needs to be strong, you need to want to live.” Balthazar voice came out as a whispered and he stared into Castiel eyes, giving him a serious look. 

“I don’t understand Balthazar; I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Castiel closed his eyes, shaking his head. This can’t be happening; this has to be one of his nightmares. He felt a gust a wind, opening his eyes to see that Balthazar has disappeared. Castiel turned around trying to find where he went to. He was just here. 

“You can still survive this and I’m going to help you” Castiel turned around to see Balthazar cupping a young woman’s face who didn't seem to see him there, brushing his lips against hers. The moment their lips made contact the woman fainted, almost simultaneously Castiel’s vision started to get blurry until he fully loses control, Dean’s name being the last words to escape from him lips before everything goes black.


	7. PTSD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drug abuse warning*

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, December 5th, 2010 ~**

_Five years before the accident __  
_

Anna jolted forward on her bed, her book falling to the floor as she heard a yell escaping from Castiel's room. She rushed down the hall, her bare feet slapping against the cold wooden floor as she made her way towards the scream; The Colonel already outside his door, pacing. As Anna slowly opened the door The Colonel push his snout though, forcing it just enough from him to squeeze in. She watched as he jumped up on Castiel's bed, forcing him to wake up from whatever night terror he was suffering from.

Castiel head was spinning, and his heart was pounding. Everything around him was a grey blur as quick visions danced though his mind; faint explosions and screams echo his ears as he pressed his hands on both sides of his head, trying to block out the noise. He pressed the heels of his feet into the mattress as he took a deep breath trying to push the images out until Anna's voice caused everything to go silent.

"You know the Core can get you some help." Anna whispered as she watch Castiel unravel from his panic attack; a anxious whine escaping The Colonel as he tried to calm Castiel by placing his head in his lap.

Castiel took in deep breaths as he covered his eyes with his shaky hands. He leaned his head back, slightly banging it against the bed frame. The night terrors always consisted of the same mission every night, explosions going off left and right, bullets flying, dogs barking. Then it will go silent, placing himself at the end of his search and rescue mission chained up against a wall, bloody, watching his fellow marine Balthazar and a civilian murdered in front of him.

"Cas." Anna sat next to him on the bed, taking one of his hands into hers; rubbing her thumb in the center of his palm. He took one last deep breath, watching his sister quietly. His eyes shifted from her hand to her eyes, trying to figure out if she was judging him. 

“Maybe-“

“I’m not sick.” He took his hand from hers, avoiding eye contact.

Anna watched him with stern eyes; she knew that he had been distance from her since he talked to Balthazar’s daughter, Clair. He refuses to talk about what happen over there but she could tell that he was really update that night when he returned. After that, Castiel felled into the darkness, he started using drugs of all sorts to help him escape from his ghosts. She even walked in on him shooting up heroine after one of his worst panic attacks. Once Castiel realized that he had been caught, his eyes became overrun with shame as he spoke, “I’m sorry…this (PTSD) isn’t a problem that I can just make disappear.” 

Anna heart broke as she looked at him, there they were; those same eyes overcast with shame. She reached for his hand again, slowly seeing if he would jerk away. But he didn’t, he allowed for her to grasp his hand. 

“I know it can be very difficult for you to talk about your time in the war. It might even be worse if you do. So instead of tying to force it, how about you try writing? Like what your therapist suggested.”

“Writing?” Castiel’s eyebrows furrow in confused as she studied her face, trying to understand. 

“It difficult for you to talk about what happened and it’s killing you Castiel, keeping them locked inside your head. You will break one day if you keep this up. You need to express your self, grief, cry, you have to let it out.” She squeezed his hand a lightly, keeping her eyes fixed on him. 

Castiel looked down at The Colonel, rubbing his head lightly then returned his gaze to Anna. She had tears in her eyes, her voice shaky as she spoke.

“I would give anything to know.


	8. Kite

Castiel slowly opened his eyes to see the sky; it was so blue. Was it this blue before? He blinked once, twice until a colorful kite crossed his sight. Everything was so quite; not a single noise could be heard. His eyes followed the kite slowly for a few seconds until a gust of air filled his lungs so fast that it felt like a frat train was hitting him. His body uncontrollably launched upward as he inhaled, pressing his fingers into the cold snow. His vision blurred as he started feeling lightheaded, pinching the bridge of his nose to regain his bearings.

He felt the slight sting of the cold chilling his fingertips as he took a few deep breathes, taking in his surroundings; he was in a random park. The kite that crossed his path was being guided though the sky by three young children running down the field as their parents looked on. He closed his eyes trying to remember the last thing he could remember, he remembered being at the crash site with Balthazar then a woman.

“Where’s-” Castiel froze, his eyes widen. That’s not his voice. This voice was much higher. He looked down at his body; this was not his body. He looked at his arms and legs; he ran his fingers though the long brown hair that rested on his shoulders. He's breathing came out rapidly as he was on the verge of panicking. This isn't his body. This isn’t his body. This body was wearing a light pink sweater over a white lace tank top with a waist high gray lace skirt. He shook his head trying to make sense of what happen, taking a deep breath. What did Balthazar do to him? 

“What is happening to me?” He whispered as he slowly looked at his shoes clicking them together at the tip.

He winched and closed his eyes in pain as he held his left arm; the pain was unbearable, it felt like someone was taking their sweet time carving into his skin. Where was this pain coming from? He opened his eyes trying to find any sign of blood or an embedded object sticking out that could be the source of this pain. His eyes widened as he pulled up his sleeve that revealed a circle with a line halfway though it, making an upper case Q on his forearm.

"What in the world...?" He ran his finger against the rosy raised Q mark branded into his skin; it was much warmer then the rest of his arm. Just as quickly as the pain came it disappear as the rosy skin turned into a faint pale color against his tan skin.

“Excuse me, ma’am” Castiel ignored the voice, transfixed on the scare in his arm. 

_What is this? What the hell dose this mean?_ He mind was on the verge of panicking as he ran his finger against the scare again, he hair on his arm standing on end like a frighten cat. 

“Excuse me?” He startled when he felt the stranger place her hand on his shoulder bringing him back to reality. 

“I’m sorry, what?” His eyes met deep green. A little girl stared at him intensely; she couldn't have been more the five years old; her lips broke into a smile as she placed a note into his hand then moved her lips next to his ear.

“This is for you Castiel. Just go to the address and you will find what you are looking for. You must hurry though before it’s too late.” 

Then in an instance a gust a wind washed over them; casing him to cover his eyes from the harsh cold; once over the little girl looked confused and looked around.

“Talia! Come here dear!” An older woman called out who Castiel assumed was this little girl’s mother as he watched her run towards the woman. 

Castiel unfolded the note in his hands, his eyes glued to the paper:

_3901 Rainbow drive, Kansas City, KS 66169 Room 232_

_-B_

"B?" His eyes shot up to search for the little girl who was long gone. 

_Balthazar?_


	9. Coffee Run

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, December 21st, 2011 ~**

_Four years before the accident __  
_

Dean pulled the collar of his leather jacket closed, covering the exposed skin. He tapped his index finger against the freezing steering wheel impatiently as he glared inside the store window. It was way too damn early and way too damn cold, even the wind decided that it wanted to be a dick and go 30 mph. Every since he picked up that damn book for Sam he couldn't get those fucking blue eyes out of his head. God what was this store doing to him! He found himself driving out of his way to pass the store more and more each day trying to get a peek of the owner; Castiel. He also failed miserably trying to convince himself that he was just "getting coffee" for Sam that happened to be right across the store and not trying to get his fix for some blue eyes.

He peeked at the clock, which read 8:34 A.M as a low growl of annoyance escaped his throat. He shifted his eyes from the clock to the store window then back again.

Shouldn’t he be here by now?

What? No. He wasn’t looking for him. He was just waiting for Sam to text him what type of coffee he wanted. Yeah that sounds right. He is totally not being stalkerish right now. Dean decided that he better go inside the coffee shop to actually get something so he doesn’t look too much as a creeper and to get out of the cold since the impalas heater decided it wanted to die.

The door gave a quite ding as he entered the store. He let out a high whistle as he saw the line to the counter loop back and forth like a snake; going as far as the front door.

It seemed to take forever as he made his way close to the front of the line, his eyes were wide as he looked like a dear in headlights once he started looking at the all the weird names and sizes on the menu above.

“Tall…Grande…Venti…The hell is a Trenta?” Dean whispered to himself, intimated by the odd names.

“It’s like a extra large.” A woman’s voice commented, startling him as he whipped around to see a redhead. She wore a white wool beanie that hung loosely on her head with a pair of headphone that lay on top of the large plaid scarf draped around her shoulders, hiding the symbol of the Deathly Hallows on the front of her sweater that hung too large on her small frame.

_That's right Dean Winchester knew a thing or two about Harry Potter._

It took him to moment to register that this was the exact same redhead that worked at the bookstore. She was wearing a mischievous smile as she eyed him. It caused him to feel a bit uncomfortable, like she was looking though his soul.

“Fancy seeing you here Dean.” Her smile only seemed to grow more mischievous as stared at the shocked look on Dean’s face.

“You remember me?” Dean rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he looked passed her shoulder, a tit of red glowing on his cheeks.

“Of course, who wouldn’t remember that black beauty out there?” She nudged her head over her shoulder where you can see Baby parked in the background. She then patted his shoulder as she sly her way in font of him, cutting him so she could place her order.

“Yes, can I have one Caramel Brulee Latte, one Peppermint Mocha and one Chestnut Praline Latte? Please put it under the name Wiser then the other.” Dean peeked over her shoulder to try to find what type of drinks she was getting on the menu, everything sounded so foreign. As the barista returned the credit card the redhead walked to the other side of the counter as dean fallowed.

“I never got the pleasure of formally introducing myself. The name’s Charlie by the way.” She winked as she gave him the star trek greeting.

Dean gave her a charmed smile as he realized that she was giving him a star trek greeting. So this was Charlie? Dean had remembered her form the bookstore a couple of months ago, both of the women actually but unfortunately he wasn't able to get their names.

After Dean ordered a plain hot chocolate he sat down with Charlie at the nearest table to the counter as they waited for their order to be made.

“So Dean, do you come here a lot?” She smiled as she rested her chin on her hand.

Dean tensed up at the question, fiddling with the keys to his impala. “Um, yeah quite a bit. My brother Sammy likes the coffee here.”

“And you drive all the way out here to get him some?” Charlie raises her eyebrow, her smile growing mischievous as she watched him fidget.

_She can see right though my Bull Shit._

Dean let out a breath of relief as he heard him and Charlie’s names called from the barista.

The barista gave Charlie a shy smile and a wink as she handed the drink holder to Dean then giving the recipe to Charlie.

As they made their way to the front of the door, Charlie unfolded the recipe and smiled. Dean took a peek at the paper and notice numbers scribbled on it with “Call Me & <3” at the end of it.

“I notice that barista checkin’ you out.” Dean smirked as he nudged his chin behind his shoulder.

“What? I can’t shut this down.” Charlie smiled as she pulled her scarf over her lips before she opened the door.

The wind was strong causing the door to slam back close. Dean pushed his back against the door as she pushed it finally prying it open long enough for them to get out. Before he knew it, Charlie was running across the street, heading to the bookstore.

_The Hell?_

“Come on! Or do you want to freeze out there!” She yelled, pushing the door open.

_Damnit._

Dean ran to her, trying to be carful not to spill the drinks. That’s the last thing he would want, spilling scorching hot coffee on himself in the middle of a blizzard. 

As he made it though the door Charlie pushed the door hard, trying to counter act the wind. 

“Man, that wind is crazy today” She panted out as she patted the snow off herself.

“You’re telling me I almos-“ 

“Charlie do you have my coffee this morning…” 

Dean’s eyes widen as he saw Castiel lazily emerge from the back of the room, rubbing his eyes like a child would from a long nap. His hair was wild, sticking up all over the pace and his shirt was wrinkled with sweats that hung a bit too loosely on his hips. Dean slapped himself mentally as his eyes lingered longer then they should have on the exposed hipbone. 

“Oh hello, my apologies, I didn’t realized you weren’t alone.” Castiel blushed as he adverted his eyes, fidgeting with his hair; trying to make himself as presentable as possible.

“This is Dean by the way, you met him a couple of months back.” Charlie handed him his coffee, ruffing up his hair; making it wild again as she walk pass him to hang her jacket.

“Oh course, I remember you. You left in such a rush last time, we didn’t have a proper interdiction.” Castiel reached his hand out to shake Dean’s. Dean accepted his hand, having the shake linger longer then it should. He eyes was fixated on the light thin line of skin that lay against Castiel’s wrist.

_What the?_

Castiel fallowed his eyes and broke the shake rougher then he would like. Shoving his hand into his pocket, becoming nervous as Dean watched him. Charlie watched them silently, noticing Castiel hiding his hand. She signed, shaking her head a bit. 

“Cas, you need to remember to go home once in a while. You can’t always sleep at your shop. That couch is going to destroy your back one-day.”

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly at the last comment as he lean against the counter; watching Castiel glare at Charlie as he took a sip from his coffee.

“I heard the weather was going to bad last night so I didn’t even bother with the walk home.” His voice was a notch lower mixed with seriousness and annoyance as he stares down at his cup then returned his eyes to Charlie. 

“Well, It was nice to meet you Dean” He gave him a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes, heading back into the room he came from; shutting the door loudly before Dean could respond.

““It was nice mee-…” Dean stared at the door for a bit until he noticed Charlie shaking her head as she walked to one of the bookcases running her fingers against the spines. Her finger rest on one of the books for a bit, trying to decided if she really wanted to take it. She took a deep breath and pulled it, opening the cover to scribble something inside. 

“Here, take this and read it. It will help you understand something’s.” Charlie walked towards Dean and handed him a thick journal.

“What’s this?” Dean ran his fingers against the title that was embedded in the spin of the book that read: **FALLEN**. Besides that, the rest of the book was blank. 

“I can’t.” Charlie voice dropped to a whispered as she shifts her eyes over Dean’s shoulder to the room that Castiel disappeared to. She tiled her head towards the front door, motioning Dean to fallow her. As she open the door she pointed to the book again. 

“Just read the note that is written inside the cover, you will understand. But Dean, you must read the whole thing if you want answers. Don’t tell anyone where you got it.” She peeked her head over her shoulder to see if Castiel was still in the room. 

“I don’t understand-“

“Just read it and call me when you are done.” Charlie grabbed the book again, opening the back of it to scribble her number in it. 

“But for now, I have to start the day.” She smiled, shooing him out into the cold. “See you later!” 

Before Dean could get a word out Charlie had shut the door and locked it. He following her until she disappeared into the room Castiel had went to.

“What just happened?” He huffed out as he rubbed the back of his neck, making his way to Baby. 

Once he made it out of the snow, he stared back at the store then back at the book. He slowly opened the cover, his eyes furrowing as he read the works in bold:

**MISHA = CASTIEL**


	10. Reflection

Castiel's feet stung from the bite of snow soaking though his shoes with ever step he took towards the hospital door. Once he made it to the entrance the automatic door slid closed; he froze. Balthazar's note clenched tightly in his palm as he saw himself; well not him for say, but who he is wearing. He was just far enough from the sensor that it couldn't sense him; remaining closed. He saw her staring back at him, giving him a shocked look as her eyes copied his; looking slowly down then back up, meeting his. 

_This can't be happening._

_This can't be real._

He slowly inched forward, dragging his feet against the ground, his breath picking up in pace until she suddenly disappeared as the doors opened. He let out a shaking breath of relief that the refection was now gone. He kept his head low once he enter the hospital heading to the nearest elevator, avoiding anything that had a refection. He pressed the button to the second floor, keeping his finger there as he looked at his hands. It was surreal. This had to be some messed up nightmare he was having, stuff like this doesn't happen in real life. He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath, counting back from ten; once he gets to one everything should be back to how it's supposed to be, him tangled in bed with his arm lazily draped over Dean's bare chest as Dean pressed his lips against his temple while running his fingers though his hair. His thoughts were interrupted as the elevators opened up, forcing him to open his eyes. His heart dropped as he saw that nothing had change, stepping out; he looked left then right down the hall seeing nurses going in and out of rooms. As a nurse walked past him she stopped in her tracks with a concern look on her face. 

"Can I help you find something, dear? Are you here to see someone?"

"U-um, Castiel Novak I'm-He's suppose to be in room 232?" Castiel's eyes widen at his mistake; the voice still shocked him.

"Novak huh? Are you family?" She looked down at her clipboard, flipping though the pages. 

_Shit, if he said he's not she will mostly not let him in the room._

"Yes, I'm his sister; Hannah Novak." Picnic grew in his eyes as the words slipped from his lips. Hannah? Yes! Hannah! Hannah hasn't been in the states in years there will be no way she be here in time if she knew.

"I'm sorry for what happen, we are trying all we can for your brother. Right now he's in recover and only allowing family to visit. He isn't very stable right now."

She led him down to the west wing, were a total of five large glass rooms that laid flushed against the right side of the building. The haunting stillness of the air made the hall seem longer with each step as the ominous heart monitors faintly taunted his ears. He furrowed his brow, looking at the ground as he tried to distract himself from the noise. He's seen this one too many times while he served and is still haunted by them in his dreams. He almost bumped into the nurse as she suddenly stopped, then pulled a chart off the door next to a random room.

"This is the room, he's in a deep coma at the moment." She furrows her brows, as a small smile appeared on her face as she place her hand on his shoulder.

"Talking helps, you and him. Here's the secret baby: If he lives, if he dies, it's all up to him. So whatever fight he has in him, he's gotta pull it out now."

Castiel tensed up as he felt a chill run down his spine from her words, he's eyes panicked as a million questions ran though his mind. 

_Dies? What will happen if he dies? Will he just vanish or will he be stuck in this body forever?_

__

"Can I have a moment alone with him please?" 

She gave him a small nod and made her way to the nurses's station to the far end of the hall. He slowly made his way inside the room as he saw himself, well his body hooked up against all sorts of machines. Once he got closer he saw that he's face was very bruised and had an oxygen nasal cannula helping him breath. He ran his fingers against his hand; he froze. It felt so wrong. He quickly yanked his hand away holding it against his chest as he tried to control his breathing.

"What am I supposed to do..." His voice shook uncontrollably as his world started crashing down.


	11. Aries

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, December 21st, 2011 ~**

_Four years before the accident __  
_

_Whimpers filled the room, echoing after each other. They caused blue eyes to become panicked, searching for the noise, for…hazel. They relax once they found her, the civilian who tried to save him and got caught with him and Balthazar. Balthazar was about two feet beside her also chained to a pillar-like object trying to calm her._

_“We are going to die, aren’t we...?” She chocked out, her voice sounding strained._

_Castiel blinked a couple of times trying to get rid of the blood that had made it into his eye. He looked them over noticing that both had suffered several more blows to the head; they’ve been beaten for the past twelve hours. The enemies weren’t able to gain any information from Civilian and were just beating her for kicks to get Castiel and Balthazar riled up enough to spill information. It was just a matter of time before their patience’s runs out._

_“No she’s innocent!” Castiel yelled out._

_BANG._

Castiel's eyes flew open as he sits up abruptly from the couch, panting, covered in sweat. He takes a couple of deep breaths trying to get the echo of the gun shot out of his ears. There was so much blood…He turns his head to look at the door; the door handle was moving up and down as The Colonel tried his best to claw the door open to get to him. His whines getting louder as the scratching became more rapid. 

_“Frieden…_ (peace)” He whispered in German as he dropped his head into hands, rubbing his face slowly, kicking the blanket off the couch. 

The scratching and whining instantly stopped. There was nothing but the sound of his own breath. He lay back down onto the couch looking up at the ceiling, watching the fan blades move fast reminding him of the helicopters…the noises started creeping from the shadows of the darkest part of his mind. He covered his eyes with his arm trying to block out the images of blood, tears and…hazel. He pushed the palms of his hands against his eyes. The crying got louder as the gun cocked, then silence. Tear filled hazel eyes met his and give him a nod.

Bang. 

Stillness. 

Nothing but darkness. 

_“Sprechen_ (speak).” Slipped from his lips, as he pressed harder, his body trembling. 

His body jerked from the sudden noise as The Colonel let out a single loud and intimidating bark that would hurt anyone ears if they were right next to him. He slowly moved his hands away from his face, turning his head towards the door, watching. He had begged for The Colonel’s help without even realizing it. 

Then came a knock. 

“Cas?” A female voice seeped through the door. 

“Charlie?” He responded as he looked at the clock on his desk, reading 11:30 P.M. 

Castiel made is way out of the couch and headed towards the door, unlocking it. He paused for a moment before he opened it. Charlie had a concern look on her face, which made Castiel’s stomach turn. He hated when people look at him like that like he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

“I thought you left hours ago?” He asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice as he blocked the light from his eye. 

“We’ve been here the whole time, we were just closing up when we notice The Colonel was still here freaking out at your office door.“ Charlie crossed her arms over her chest, as Mary made her way towards them stopping behind Charlie with half of her jacket on. She was wearing the same face as Charlie but with a hint of confusion. 

“We thought that you’ve left at 6:00 p.m. why are you still here?" Mary chipped in giving The Colonel a pat on the side. 

Castiel held out his hand as The Colonel walked into his palm, giving his ear a little rub. 

“I was working on my project, I do have a deadline.” He stated as he turned back into his office picking up stray paper and blankets. 

“Is that so…” Charlie peeked at his desk as he talked and saw that nothing has changed since earlier, however, the picture of Clare and Balthazar was now on the floor. 

She nudged Mary’s rib and cocked her head towards the desk then floor, calling him out on his bullshit silently. They both exchange worried looks as they look again at the photo; something terrible had happened and Castiel wasn’t going to tell them. They learned that Castiel only opens up to his sister Anna and even then she has to beg him to tell her. 

“Castiel, I think you should get out more. Maybe go read on the bank again like you did a couple of weeks ago. I think some fresh air will help you with your…project.” Mary suggested as she looked around the room, noticing all the torn up papers and pillows scattered around like an animal ripped up the place.  
“Yeah?” he asks nonchalant as he throws the pillows back on the couch not even bothering to look at them. 

Charlie noticed something shiny tossed behind the trashcan; she looked at it a little harder then her veins ran cold when she registered what it was. She pulled out her phone secretly taking a picture of it, the room and Castiel looking completely exhausted. She kept her eye on him as she started texting away on her phone. She hesitated for a second before hitting the send button. 

_This is the right thing to do…right?_

**\------Message sent 11:45 P.M.------**  
**CHARLIE:**  
_[Picture attached]_  
_[Picture attached]_  
_[Picture attached]_  
_..._  
_Aries._

**\------Message receive 11:50 P.M.------**  
**UNKNOWN:**  
_I see._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aries is street slang for the drug: Heroin
> 
> ~ I hope everyone is still enjoying this fic, sorry its been a while since the last update. ~


	12. Fallen

**~ Lawrence, Kansas, December 22st, 2011 ~**

_Four years before the accident __  
_

_Everything happened so fast. My platoon and I was there one moment and not the next. The ringing in my ears drowned out the gunfire and screams as I tried to understand how I was still alive. My vision was blurred as I gave my body a once over; everything was still intact. However, not all of my men were so lucky. There were limbs scattered about as blood covered everyone and thing in site. Many lost limbs and suffered severe burns as others lost their lives. My vision finally came into focus as I set my eyes on two or three of my men trying to calm Echo; our bomb-detection companion down._

“Echo” I chocked out before the next missile hit-

__

**_Buzzed_ ******

Dean's eyes rip from the page, as he looked towards his phone light up at the end of the table. He peeked at his watch and saw that it was past 1 A.M; he didn’t realize that he was already more than halfway through the book. He stared at his phone as it buzzed again, his eyes shift from the sleeping Sam on the couch and his phone. 

Who is texting this late? He thought as he pushed the table low enough that the phone slid to him. He slid his thumb over the screen and saw a messaged from an unknown number. 

**\------Message received 01:50 A.M.------  
** ******UNKNOWN:**  
_What do you mean you are out of Frosted Flakes and want me to get some? You do realize is almost 2 A.M. ___

“What?” Dean whispered to himself, confused as he peeked at Sam seeing if he was toying with him somehow.

He ran his hand roughly through his hair as looked stared back down at the screen as a sinful smirk grew on his lips. It was clear that someone was texting him by mistake so why not fuck with them. 

**\------Message sent 01:53 A.M.------ ****  
****DEAN:**  
_We also need more pie and get a horse while you’re at it. ☺ ___

Dean looked pleased with himself as he tossed the phone on the table. He went to grab a beer from the kitchen until he heard “cherry pie” blasting into the other room until it was cut off with a groggy, “Hello”. He ran into the study until he was stopped to see a sleepy and confused Sammy answering his phone.

“What? A horse?” Sam rubbed his eye like a child would; trying to understand what the voice on the phone was talking about. 

“W-Woah!” Dean quickly grabbed the phone roughly, accidently ending the call. 

Dean froze when he realized that “Cherry pie” began to sing into his palm again. His eyes grew wide as he looked down at the screen and saw that it was the same unknown number that he was prank texting earlier. 

_They are calling again?_ His mind screamed at him as he started to panic. 

_What is he suppose to do? Let it go to voicemail? But he said his name on the voicemail meaning that this stranger will know his real name._ He decided to take the risk and just pick up the phone as he made it towards his room. _What did he have to lose? This person has to know that Dean was messing with them so why not mess with them one more time since he’s already caught._

“Ghostbusters”

“What? Ghostbusters? Gabriel this isn’t funny.” The voice was confused and drowsy. 

“Ummm…” Dean pulled the phone from his ear to look down at the screen as a blush crept on his cheeks. 

“Gabriel, your voice sounds strange. Did you get an allergic ration to something? I told you shouldn’t eat those foreign candies.” There was a hint of annoyance in his voice though the speakerphone as he started muttering incoherent words. 

_Boy he keeps talking, doesn’t he? How am I going to break it to him that he been texting a complete stranger who put him on a wild goose chase? However, having a voice like that should be illegal. ___

“Gabriel, did you hear me?”

Dean shook his head trying to get his mind out of the gutter. 

“Ummm, sorry dude but my name isn’t Gabriel, I think you misdialed your boyfriend’s number. “ Dean cursed at himself, why the hell did he say, boyfriend? Was he that desperate that he wanted this attractive voice to be playing for his team?

"I don't have one.” The voice on the phone sounded almost suggestive. But that was just Dean’s imagination, right? He could feel the blush creeping on his face as he looked back down at the unknown number. 

_Fuck My Life_


End file.
